Blogs...

I found this cool site, good poems, most of them!
very vivid, reminds me a lot of how I feel sometimes..
http://myheartloveblog.blogspot.com/

Political

Untitled
What is to become of our nation?
We are being lied to daily
And some of us think we can no longer make it
We are used to the eternal sound of wailing

We live in Baghdad the center of the world
All eyes are on us in anger and in shame
They all seem to hate me because I’m a Sunni girl.
But who really is to blame?

Blame the president blame Al-Quaeda
The bombs are blasting and the dead are piling
We all want out of here and who can blame us?
All the government officials act so slyly.

We bury our dead, their bones rot in sand
Forgotten about in mass graves in reprimand
For something this side did to that side
The smoke from the car bombs rises to the sky
This will not end over night


Baghdad
When you look into our eyes what do you see?
I am Muslim, an Iraqi a terrorist only in your eyes
But have you really gotten to know me?
Take a look around my pitch black skies.

The land is barren sand, the air is hot
Nothing is unconditional here
To hate is what I have been taught
And also the lesson of eternal fear

Torn apart by years of civil war
Taken over by someone who seemed right
I do not know who I am anymore
Do not go out at night!

My heart is Baghdad, She has been violated
Cut out and cast from me,
In control only illusory
By incessant bombing torn and shaken

My children come home every day
Hear more about the foreign liberators
And the power of their democracy
Is written in slogans all over the papers

They hear of their parent’s complaints
And hear of far off shot and mortar shell
As they talk about the good old days
Before they started to live in hell.

How there was water, electricity
Supplied by none other than Saddam Hussein
Simply all the basic necessities
Were easy enough to obtain

Now they cannot find food
Do not have running water or lights
Everything all runs on a generator or two
Because of those damned Shi’ites.

goodbye

I earned my wings today
daddy's so proud of me
and now I can fly away
where only he can see

I earned my wings today
Jesus is now beside me
and now I can shoo away
all the thoughts of ever doubting

Selena Anando Pt 7

Ariel had fallen for the captive man of kisses, her Alason who loved her and wanted her to blossom and Rei fell into obscurity. She hated Rei for his opinion of Alason, suddenly her world changed at that point, what was once beutiful and good was detested and it really showed.
She no longer went to mass, and often drank of sorrow with Alason and lost all hope and reality.
The dragon medallion sat atop her mirrored vanity gathering ignorance's dust.
Such as there was black dirt upon the dragon's mouth, there were foul word's in Rei's.
She bitched and moaned about this and that and kicked up more dust high into the air for all to see and in it's cloud wrapped around Alason in true secrecy.

This she did, and she did well, for a very long time she was under Alason's spell. She had forgotten who she was before, and she had forgotten the true risen lord. She lived in the name of this and in the name of that and had this idea and that and claimed to be free-independant.
Inside she was bound by chains, inside she was dying yet once again. Such as she did a not so long time ago, Ariel is her only foe. And so she wandered in the dreamlike state, wandering with a locked heart of hate. A month passed by, then two and more and she continued to die.
Rei was hurt by the haze that had been so hastily put up, he couldn't understand why and was about to give up. Six months passed by, and she had accused him even of lies. Could she not see his intentions?

Finally there was a confrontation in the coffeehouse where Ariel had met Alason, Rei had decided to meet her and get to the bottom of this. Ariel felt afraid by what Alason had told her Rei was going to do and wanted his loving protection to keep her from harm and had him come by the table which was soon to be emotionally overturned. Alason came in quietly through the back door and had to maneuver through the tables and couches' imaginary aisles. His silence was soon broken as he went into a tirade of wrong and right that is what it is but was so long it broke Ariel's heart and as she gazed she grew confused and wondered what should she do?

The question came, some time later, after being with Alason some more and hear him bash in the manner he was, she realized that the dust did not belong on Rei, it belonged on Alason.
Alason wanted her to be like everyone else, and that is what he did to her, and lost her identity again. Rei was as a loving father-encourage one another!

She ran home, grabbed the no longer forgotten medallion, brushed the dust off, and went to mass.

Odysseus

I cry bitter tears at night
listening to the faint siren song
wondering if I am right
when I think I am wrong

I feel torn by the sound
amazed by her beauty
by those chains I am bound
to this evil deity

By day I want to throw myself
off the cliff to the rocks below
and end this bloody hell
and by the gods above I would go

If it were not for the bitter tears
and the siren song's chains
that weigh me and keep me here
freedom is impossible to obtain

For the Abused

What once was love is smothering
the life spirit's force
turns blue from the asphyxiating
blanketing power source

wherever you turn to run
and look around in horror
and silence, there is no one
and none see your fear

you are struck again
this time requiring stiches
of them you've forgiven
and with a thousand wishes

wish that you could be free
from the madness and pain
you wish that they could be
"themselves" again

and that the situation would just
go, go away and never come back
but instead it is you who must
leave before another attack

love them with all god says
but love is not pain read
the letter in Corinthians
and I think you will see

you have done the right thing
in trying to leave now
before your life's force has it's ending
and hope it's alright somehow

at the least now, in your break
of silence I am here for you
you've had what you can take
and youre hurt-dont know what to do

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
cry on my shoulder, talk to me
and talk all night
There are things you need to see
you need things not by might
but live life once again free

ANGEL BECOMES WHOLE!!!!

Another
loNely
Girl
Experiances
Life:

Be
Everything
Christ
Orders
My
lovEly
Soul

With
Heart
Of
totaL
pEace

keep alive above under
swim sink a stone rocks
good and bad or neither?
pain buries a lot

and when it comes back
from somewhere in the past
just see how you react
when old food gets re-hashed

seeing yourself in the mirror
like the phantom of the opera
you want to take the blame for
a dive, a fall do you really gotta

everything's ok Angel, keep your head
up, high baby, someday soon you will see
who are your true friends
because it's not all because of you and E

you are entitled to love, live and feel
things are more complicated than
what you see with yer eyes peeled
wide open focused on the cann.

you blind yourself that way, it's
alright Angel, darling just keep
all of your faith in
your friends and God's love so deep

The fight is not all about you
there is a plan at work here
I am finding out a truth:
that there is more peace than fear

more life than death, and more love
than hate could ever take away
Christ has given more than enough
to forever take away your pain

so live and love in peace and harmony
keep your head up and forgive yourself
forgive all that have sinned-everybody
I love you all without a shadow of a doubt

everythings ok, I feel for
it all is peace
I could ask for nothing more
and acceptance now is.

Dear so called sweetness

Dear so called sweetness
this must end because
now you ignore this mess
and try to make it all
go away so I'll come back
from the man so far
I still love you yet
and as we must part
a thought enters my head
do I really know you
no I dont for it's why
I have to go and do
what I have to-no lie
I thought you were
this and that thing
and then you heard
the guy from afar sing
and I realized your words
were full of hate things
how could you say them?
how could you turn my mind?
you ate me like birthday cake
and now I regret it
good by so called sweetness
the world is now reinventing

On the wall

On the wall on the brick
I see images that are so
strong enough to make me sick
to my stomach, heart is low

the world spins around again
the loud laughter and smiles
surround me in full pain
as everyone is in denial

all is well with the world
they say as they know more
than what is soon to unfurl
they are somehow so sure

on the wall, on the brick
they pose on paper thin
lines are drawn on in
their souls are not that thick

in such forcefullness confused
all includeing themselves
in anger I write
and othere freinds are felled

do I lie to myself them?
truth is death and life
begone lucifer's den
we will see about the light.

ghostly

what was once real and whole
is now deleted out to be
not even a black hole
his face never again be seen

it all happened in the space of a week
happiness came first tainted now
by feelings of utter sorrow and grief
and a little girl inside wondering how

this all could happen so quick
to blame herself
for this evil little trip
and retreats back into her shell

it's absolutely ghostly
looking in like through a glass
and seeing what used to be
and seeing the time pass

now the little girl must be
strong and he must too
for if the lord's willing
everything will work through.

Apologies

Admitting
Pointing
Own
fauLts
Out
chanGing
Is
litErally
Sorry

I am sorry for what I did to you Eric. I feel helpless, I can't stop thinking about it and I can't stop feeling absolutely 1000% horrid. Can I merit any sense of forgiveness?
I only wanted my stupid feelings to stop.

My fault is that I talked too much, I point that out, admit it and I intend to change. Some things you just never talk about.period.

Cry me a river

I said some things that I should not have in a public place about a friend of mine about some things in my sick little mind and his buddies found out and want to kick him out of the band he's in. He didnt do anything wrong. I was the one initiating contact, postings etc and this bothers me greatly because it's my godfather.I admire him greatly, I have lots of respect and as of late, I have been thinking things that I shouldn't and I dont know where they came from, I wanted to explore that a little, get to the bottom of it, but I did not make my intentions known and furthermore talking about it in such a public place was very wrong. I did just about every thing wrong. It's totally "rainbows" man!Where did I go wrong? It was in that. I am so sorry for what I did. Words cannot express my feelings right now, but he doesn't deserve to be kicked out of the band. Not for something as pitifully stupid as this. I am shocked that the band is even considering it. Esepcially considering it's a christian band and supposedly they are supposed to practice forgiveness. Oh well then, forget the bible it's just a dusty old book right? Sure, that's true faith! I want to retaliate, and leave and never come back but that would be the easy thing., to get angry and resort to stupid measures. I want to talk about it. why? why such drastic action guys? why does it seem to me that you are not practicing your faith? why does something seem amiss? is there something I dont know?I am crying a river, and attempting to build a bridge to get over it...please help?I think of this night and day, I pray with everything may god do his will, maybe it is time for him to leave but I do not feel it. God is silent. Hence my confusion.

broken blood

I spill broken blood
broken english
broken love
and still just dont get it.

Untitled

a new rush wave of euphoria black as the night enveloped me and took me in
it was beutiful, wanted accepted he was white as blameless paper to write
but I had no idea that my world's plane was traveling on air that thin
and I nearly became permanantly a fixture in the night

dead, was i hopless too
this was what I called the end
yell for god untill you are blue
do we mean what we've said?

peace came and took me away in a golden chariot lined with the fire of god
illisions, hallucinations came for a ride along with me
I dreamed of giving life back everything that I have got
and of a world built without ever ending

I dreamed I would be apart
of all that was before
I didnt realise it would be hard
and I would get slammed to the floor

by allowing the euphoria to creep in
and grab a hold with its long arms
and hold me shackled in my sin
sneering "this is who you are"

I have not seen that black being for some time now
I only cry tears in the day at the struggle for honesty
and tell the truth as much as my shackled soul will allow
in the future now, I do not know what will be

but I sense something coming,
I worry it is euphoria
or someting worse that will strike me
and smatter to peices my aura.

No matter what I think or how I say it
I am still an old child
take a little peek underneath my lid
and see the mystery of denial.

My mean old bass(in the eyes of Eman)

I was playing a gig one day,
when my bass decided he wanted to play
a little game with me;
and with all 6 of his strings he
removed one off the nut next to the "A"
where it then settled to stay.
I tried to pull it once gently back
and cringed when I heard it visibly snap!
I rushed backstage quickly
this naughty bass sure needs a fixing!
After the new string was in and tuned
which at that pace was so hard to do,
and to order that mean old bass to obey!
so that I could go back and play-
he knew he'd better
and put the string back in-no sweat there!
my mean old bass finally behaved!
At least for the rest of the day!

Lost-(*IMPORTANT*)

Lost

I don’t want to be alone

I can put that quite simply

To live full grown

And to live freely

With you everyday I can hardly keep it in

It’s no secret that I am in the wrong life

I don’t think loving you is any sin

I also don’t want to live just by sight.

Where can I find a middle ground?

Where can I find true acceptance?

Other than in your arms

Other than in repentance?

What is good is bad and the other ways around

Did I ever really know the truth

In you in Him in am I lost did I get found?

I really just do not know what to do.

I wish every answer come to me so easy

and that you could tell me every last one

can any of us truly see?

Now I come undone

how dare you for getting me lost!

Selena Anando pt 6

Ariel and Rei looked somewhat awkwardly at each other for a while, smiled and chatted about little things, embarrassed. The feeling just began to lift when the clock struck 11 and all fell silent. Rei got up slowly, and she arose with him. He faced her smooth face and took off his dragon medallion. "I have to go now…here…My spirit is always with you" he said "be safe..." and left. She fingered the medallion and examined it closer. It was a circle with a dragon inside of it, the dragon had its mouth open and its eyes were ruby-red and had black lines drawn on to emphasize the wings. It looked a terrible sight there in her slender fingers in the pale moonlight. She gently put it on and walked slowly to the First district home.

The next day Ariel didn’t go to mass, she had been for the last several days. At the coffee shop near her house there was an actual band playing and it wasn’t too often that bands would play because they were too loud. This was just a single musician so it was bound to be appropriate. So Ariel went there instead.
The coffee shop had a checker-tiled floor and several large couches and several more tables with red tablecloths placed on them. There was a good portion of the shop that had glass windows and the rest was earth based color and potted plants strewn about the glass windows. She sat down near the front at one of the tables, ordered a coffee and waited patiently for the musician to start.
His name was Alason and he had been playing for most of his adult life, till even now when he was getting “up there”. Ariel was definitely piqued by his attitude, he was warm and friendly and she thought he was cute for some reason.
He had grey eyes, and hair-an older gentleman, with a proper beard too! He was tall but heavier-set and liked to drink a lot as she found out. Underneath all of his sometimes ragged looks he was just lonely. Alason played strange music from a time long-gone that had only been recently researched. Ariel was captivated by it and fell in love with the stranger. Like Rei, though Alason said he would be “around”. How frustrating to have men act that way but little did she know of who was watching her…

Selena Anando Pts 3-5

Selena Anando pt. 3
…it’s 21 Kahl in Selena Anando at 4:30 pm, everyone is out in the town square-the parents, lovers, students and the old men playing chess in their second or third best suits drinking tea. The shadows from the slowly sinking sun slink into view and the living dead hide in it. The birds are gorging themselves at the feet of the chattering women wagging their tongues disapprovingly at the tongues wagging near the fountain. The clock strikes five, the birds come off and then come settling back. All is rather sleepy and quiet in tranquil normalcy when suddenly shots are heard echoing all around them, bouncing off the walls, mountains and alleys.
The teens huddle together and amidst “oh my lord’s” the women stand up and the men stare at the sky seeing the birds take off.

All at once, like one collective worried mind, the citizens of Selena Anando went to the police station which had already dispatched it’s armed mounts. They turned people away with slips of little white paper issued by the chief of police Celan Delvar stating that “…all that is known at this time is that shots were fired somewhere approximately in the First district and there is an investigation already underway. No known suspects but we will keep you as up to date as we can…”
The people in the First district tearfully took up arms, locked their doors and hid their children safely away inside and the whole town held it’s breath for news of the shooter.


Selena Anando Pt.4
Ariel Shalagar was walking home after mass in the first district near her home on the first day of Kahl and all was well. For some reason out of the corner of her eye she saw a flutter of unfamiliar red and turned to look curiously. It was a man that she had never seen before, he had the traditional long hair, but he also had a beard which was strange for someone that young to have one. Generally people middle-aged were accepted to have them, and he didn’t look quite that old. She cautiously got closer, and tried not to attract too much attention to herself. He smelled wonderful but it was something that she couldn’t put her finger on. He wore a dark-colored robe and strikingly there was a gold medallion hanging around his neck. It was a dragon, the sign of a shaman. Could this guy be a shaman? Only shamans wore real gold medallions. So she decided to follow him for a while.
He went to the coffeehouse on the corner of which she knew so well, ordered a small coffee, and sat down to read the local newspaper. He didn’t have any strange markings on his body, but it did seem to have a glow to it. Finally Ariel made up her mind to say “Hello”. Which she did and learned that his name was Rei Kahn, he used to live in the Fifth district which was a rich area but then moved away and hasn’t come back since he was little.
Rei was mysterious and so beautiful. He didn’t take his eyes off of her figure; she looked like most females in the town, short, brunette brown-eyed, nothing special really. She didn’t have make-up or had her hair up different, was dressed in an all white blouse and skirt down to her ankles. Nothing special but he just couldn’t take his eyes away.

The clock struck tow and Rei excused himself to leave. Ariel gently reached for his arm and asked “When shall I see you again?” “I don’t know” replied Rei simply and left Ariel in love with the air and his backside as he began the long walk somewhere possibly to the Fifth district.

The next day, after mass, she waited in the coffee shop for Rei, but he was not there. The day after he wasn’t at the town square, he was not to be found anywhere. In a town of 2,000 it’s surprising to have such a mystery.

Feeling desperate, Ariel began to resent having to go to the mass, for it only brought gilded ideals and plans and left empty, hollow truth and disappointment. Coming home, a week later after she first saw Rei, she caught sight of a red robe moving swiftly in front of her. She smiled and chased after Rei, the rascal! She caught up with him in the Second ward, a slum riddled with alleyways and dead ends. He turned around smiling at hearing her footsteps run his way. She, now slightly embarrassed leaned against one of the walls of the alley and averted his eyes looking at her. She smiled and looked at him and he moved in closer against her and she held him and it was magic at first sight.


Selena Anando Pt. 5
Ariel couldn’t believe that Rei was here again! He was so beautiful and it was hard just to take it all in at once, he really seemed to be from here, but definitely not of here.

He was close against her, she could hear him breathing softly. His dragon medallion touched her throat, it was a little cold. “10 pm tomorrow...” he whispered and stuffed a piece of yellow paper in her palm and left leaving her loving the air and his backside. Ariel was alone again. The clock struck 4:30 as she unfolded the paper gently, it read “Dear Ariel:
You are a vibrant young lady and have a true love for the lord. Meet me at the Fuente De Delmarre at 10pm tomorrow.
Love forever in him,
Rei ”
She was ecstatic! She could hardly sleep or sit still during the mass the next day, finally it was time and she tried not to make such a big deal out of it but was hard not to show it.
At the time, Ariel went to the softly lit Fuente De Delmarre in the town square; all was quiet because everyone was preparing to go to bed. The moon was high in the black nothingless, its pale face a sharp contrast to it. Ariel sat comfortably on the long edge of the fountain and tried to calm herself. The clock struck 9:30 and she realized she was early. Surprisingly, out of the shadows came Rei. He had on a dark red robe and the medallion glinted off the moonlight. Rei was as gorgeous as ever. Ariel tried her hardest to keep her feelings under the surface when she saw him. He walked slowly over and gently sat down on her left quietly. Somehow he knew to do that, Ariel kept the secret of her going deaf very well. Rei turned and faced Ariel, they smiled together and said “hello” simply and embraced awkwardly for a moment.

“There are some things you need to know…” Rei began “..I live in the Fifth district and I attend and underground church once a week…”

Ariel was stunned to learn this, he was basically admitting to being a fugitive and a rich one at that! She responded and said “ I live in the first ward and I go to mass often but not all the time…”

He was shocked to learn of her great poverty. She was still very pretty and he wondered if he could still love her and she wondered the same.

Selena Anando pt 2 (the generalization)

Not all people in Selena Anando are like the people you've gotten to know so far. They are the ones that are stuck in some sort of mental or emotional rut. and everyday before and after mass they are always found in the town square near the Fuente de Delmarre fountain.
There are jobs in Selena Anando (of course), even if it be just a street vendor; most people here work all day. The population is predominantly male, but is a matriarchal society. Weird, I know and there were girls that loved to take advantage of that.
As a generality, the males are either blond or brunette, with brown, green or blue eyes. All the men are tall, at least 6 feet and wear their hair somewhat long untill they get old or no longer wish to comply with tradition. The women, on the other hand, are short between 5-6ft mostly brunettes and reddish-browns. They too, traditionally wear their hair long.

The mayor of the town is Solan Osandin a good man who has ruled with a just hand, for about 8 years now. Everyone is and feels safe in Selena Anando. Few times, if ever, do festivities get out of hand that the police mustbe called in.

Selena Anando is not truly equipped for tourists but doesnt mind the visits. Hotels are down the highway a few miles out of town, as is most everything ascossiated with tourists.

All in all about 2,000 people live in this little hole by the mountains and I don't think theyll trade anything for it.

Selena Anando Pt 1

The sun, large and orange rises over the motherly shadowing mountains and gleefully paints various shades of orange tint of joy at a new day. The small city of secluded stone below shuffles out the door and gets to the day's work in the narrow alley's workplaces. Streetside vendors open up carts, pitch tents anything to make them more noticed to the passers-by. Old men lean on their canes and slowly hobble with a box under their arms to the dusty town square to play chess in their hat and sunday best, drinking tea all the while. Parents tug little blond children along the sidewalk in little school uniforms hurridly in fear of being late again. A few minuets later, teenagers are seen sporting mohawks dyed every color imaginable, heavy make-up, the latest fashions and heavy metal pours out of the portable device plugged into their ears and into their brain. They smoke the white tubes of death and look around aimlessly for the next high to come along. The teens gather near the Fuente De Delmarre in the town square near the old men in their hats, sunday best, all drinking tea. The chuch steeple near the square chimes 10 o'clock and the wives of the men in their hats and sunday best, drinking their tea show up to feed the birds and talk about local gossip. The birds they are feeding are as grey as the stone that encases them and the women are striking in their pastel colored skirts, dresses and white blouses. The clock strikes 11 and the women are smiling and chatting somewhat droningly, the the men are too engrossed in their game to care about anything else and the teens are trying to stay together and stay in the shadows of which they seem to love. The bells toll noon and everyone flies away to mass. They come out at one, go home eat a lot, go out some more and get up and do it again. All is the same to the strange ones in Selena Anando.

Time to destroy!

It's about time I used my words to destroy racism and predjudice!!
more coming soon, peace
Angel